Cookie Chemistry

While researching my current annoyance, I rediscovered a bit of engineering silliness I recall from many moons ago. The text you see below appeared at It was near the bottom of their “Icons, Cursors and Freeware” section that I found this chemical engineering spoof. It caught my eye because my Grandfather was a chemical engineer.

“Why Engineers Don’t Write Cookbooks:”

Chocolate Chip Cookies


  • 532.35 cm3 gluten
  • 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
  • 4.9 cm3 refined sodium chloride
  • 236 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
  • 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
  • 177.45 cm3 refined C12H22O11
  • 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
  • Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein ovoids
  • 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao with incorporated C12H22O11

Assembly Sequence:

  1. To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation.
  2. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous.
  3. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1.
  4. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.
  5. Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm).
  6. Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston’s first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown.
  7. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.

This recipe is hilarious! The cookies don’t sound quite as scrumptious as if you read their composition from a standard recipe, do they?


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